never to awaken

I recently moved into a new house with new roommates. Every night I would go to sleep, have dreams, and awaken in the morning inside my room (but still in the larger dream). Hideous monsters would come and chase me. One monster had these sharp white teeth that I would knock out, but they would come back even sharper and longer each time. One time I realized that I was dreaming so I asked it to eat me and chew me up. It obliged. But when it swollowed me I woke back up in my new bed. I found myself questioning the nature of reality often, when this happened I would go to a mirror to figure out if I was dreaming or not. I would sit in front of it and stare at myself. Sometimes it would bubble or do something that tipped me off to the fact that I was still dreaming and sometimes it wouldn’t and I would go ahead and begin my day–until something went obviously wrong. For some reason, no matter how hard I tried I never could get out of my house. During one day my new roommates rushed into my room and started saying that I had to do all these things that made me feel like I was being taken advantage of. I stood up for myself and refused. I was congradulated by someone for doing so later.
I don’t know how many times I dreamt and “woke up” in this dream, but it was many. Each time felt more real than the last. At some point it occurred to me that an acute schizophrenia was settling into my mind, and that this must be the bewildering process people go through during its onset. ♨
Note: Dreamt on March 31, 2010 — 6 months prior to the creation of this journal; and one day prior to moving into my new home in Hanoi, Vietnam.


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